I’m feeling a little anxious today. This week we have 8 appointments in four days, plus trying to run a business, plus keeping the magic of Christmas alive. I’m struggling to feel like I can do it all. It’s all about expectations vs. reality. Let me explain…
Expectation (thanks to watching Hallmark Christmas movies): the time leading up to the holidays will be relaxing and magical, filled with craft time, time to bake, carolling and preparing for the town Christmas pageant.
Reality: Someone has to make all of the magic happen and that someone is me. And sometimes having to do the Christmas baking, wrapping, shopping and anything else can be exhausting. I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy it, most of the time I do, but I don’t have an endless supply of time and energy and at some point I’m going to get tired.
Expectation: There will be a Christmas miracle that will see one hundred new clients come to the studio.
Reality: it’s Christmas, people are too busy for yoga and money is tight. People are struggling to fill their fridge and afford Christmas. Yoga is superfluous.
Expectation: My body will behave perfectly, I will have boundless energy and will be in good health.
Reality: My previous health conditions don’t go away and are even exacerbated by having to do more, be more. And quite frankly my body is going to need what it needs, regardless of the time of year. I have a chronic condition that needs attention right now and my mental health is requiring some help right now too.
Expectation: Brandy and I will go to the Nutcracker Ballet and have the most wonderful day.
Reality: B was highly dis regulated and after saying she wanted to go home, she made it perfectly clear that this will be the last year of one of my favourite traditions.
I can WANT December to be all of the amazing things, I can WANT it to be perfect but in reality it will never be perfect AND there will also be amazing moments.
Have you seen the Christmas movie Love the Coopers? In that movie, Charolette is trying to create one last perfect Christmas before her and her husband separate. It culminates with a trip to the hospital and big family arguments, but ends on a sweet note of an impromptu dance in a hospital cafeteria. I identify with many of the characters in that movie. They are all trying their hardest, individually to keep their crap together and maintain a perfect family Christmas.
Well, I have decided as of this morning to let go of the perfect Christmas.
I am trying individually to keep my crap together. This year is different for me. I own a business and have some heavy responsibilities to carry. My health is not the best right now, and I’m struggling. My boys are adults and have their own Christmas traditions to develop. Brandy is a teenager with cognitive disfunction and so it is a double dip in the pool of unexpected behaviour. Each individual member of my family is doing what they need to do to navigate the holidays, and we are going to come together and try to navigate that too.
There isn’t really much of a “lesson” in this blog post. I guess it’s really to say that: I see you. Whatever you are struggling with, I see you. You are not alone.
I will move through the remainder of the holiday with my blinkers on, proceeding with caution. Not expecting perfection but enjoying the moments as they come.
If my baking doesn’t get finished…oh well. The reality is that I can buy baking from the magical bakery that the studio is next to.
If my health requires more appointments and attention than normal, I will cancel what I need to in order to support my well being. The reality is, if I don’t make time for my well being right now, I am going to be forced to make time for the consequences later.
If the yoga studio doesn’t pick up, if I don’t sell more gift bundles and gift certificates, well, I’m not sure what that means, but I’m going to keep going and trying my hardest.
The reality is, there is everyday anxiety, and there is festive anxiety…I may as well enjoy the lights and glitter while I can.
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